The Defilement of a Hand Plane

WARNING THIS PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT MAY NOT BE FOR THE FAINT OF HEART

Woodworkers beware! A new threat to our beloved vintage tools is rising. While we painstakingly restore our pre war Stanley hand planes and Disston saws to put back to use, a sinister force is competing against us in online auctions and early morning yard sales. Well known and despised by woodworkers everywhere, the devious saw painter takes our fine hand saws and destroys them with pastoral Bob Ross paintings on the plate. Fortunately this tool poacher has been identified and we can combat against them by offering up the post war Disstons and Craftsman saws that aren’t worth restoring to use anyway. A detente of sorts has been struck where we feed them crappy saws and they keep their oil paints off our industrial era beauties.

Today, I identified another species of tool poacher possibly more heinous in nature. This hand plane defiler puts even less thought into their desecration by wrapping the plane body in pretty ribbons and adorning the frog with dried twigs and berries. No talent required but in one feel swoop the poor hand plane has been swept from the shop and emasculated to the land of purse dogs and knick knacks!!

This poor plane was sighted at a local craft show and I was deeply dismayed to learn that it had once been accompanied by at least 10 others like it. Those 10 of it’s brethren had already been sold into exile of the shabby chic. The evil doer even told me that these “hand planer thingies are my best seller”!!!!!!!!! (too many exclamation points…I think not)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Beware my brothers! This insidious new threat is out to snipe you on auction bids. We must infiltrate this faction and convince them that Buck Brothers, Groz, and Footprint planes are much better for knick knacks due to their rare and “highly sought after” out of flat soles and poorly cast bodies. The Stanleys of the world are too uniformly manufactured to be shabby chic and fly in the face of all that poorly decorated knick knacks stand for! I would rather see my moulding planes screwed to the wall of an Applebees than stomach the sacrilege of the dried twig and berry treatment! Unite my fellow woodworkers and stop this menace before HGTV picks up on it and broadcasts a “How to decorate old tools” show.